Erotic Energy Tips

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This week I discussed erotic energy techniques with some friends. Here are a couple tips that came from that, starting with the easier one to learn:

Head, Not Pelvis

In my 20s, I happened to build a type of energy that was well-suited to erotic energy. While making out with a partner, usually while clothed, I would build energy in my body, move it into my hands, then send it into my partner. Depending on how much energy I used, and how long I sustained it, results ranged from arousal to energy orgasms.

Being a man in his 20s, I assumed I should send energy to my partner’s pelvis. That turned out to be mostly useless.

What worked well? Sending energy to their head would reliably produce arousal and energy orgasms. (Once I was sending energy to their head, adding some to the pelvis, chest, or elsewhere could enhance it. But only a slight improvement, maybe 10% (if there were some way to measure it), not anything remarkable.)

A few follow-up questions from friends:

Did I try different regions of the brain, or the difference between the forehead and crown chakras? No, I haven’t yet. Targeting different regions of the brain is difficult, so I probably won’t for quite a while. But testing different chakras sounds interesting. In practice, I usually touch the side or back of the head, not the forehead — you know, the normal places you touch while kissing a partner. And to make a few guesses: The forehead chakra probably corresponds to the frontal lobe, where conscious thought occurs, while the top of the head corresponds to the parietal lobe, which processes touch, among other things. So I would expect that the top or sides of the head would be most effective, though I haven’t tested it, in part because of the second tip below.

What about Tantric practices where a person focuses their own energy in their chest, pelvis, etc? I asked my friend for more detail about these practices, and she described focusing her awareness in her body, how becoming aware of the sensations in her body can heighten them, and that her teacher often used “energy” and “awareness” interchangeably. And that is true: Quite often, we are not fully aware of the sensations in our bodies, or of exactly what we’re feeling. The limbic system (in the brain) doesn’t communicate emotions directly to the conscious mind; instead, it creates tension or relaxation or other somatic sensations in the body, which the conscious mind interprets as emotions. And there are a lot of great practices to tune into those sensations and become more aware of what’s driving our emotions.

But I’m talking specifically about sending energy to a partner — that is, energy as an external phenomenon out in the world, not energy as a synonym for awareness. And when we’re sending energy to a partner, it turns out to be far more effective to send it to the brain, and let the person’s brain create whatever bodily sensations are needed.

Projecting Energy Through Their Head

This tip is from exploration I did this year. It involves how to send the energy.

You’ve probably sent energy to a partner through the air. When I do that, and slow it down to watch each step, I find that I first send out a stable pathway that the energy then follows. And, noticing that, I learned to consciously create that pathway, so I could test it in other situations.

I tried using that pathway with erotic energy. While touching the back of my partner’s head, I projected that pathway through her head, then sent my energy along it. This way, instead of just sending the energy into the part of her head I was touching, I could energize her whole head. And it produced stronger, more pleasurable sensations for her.

If you aren’t to the point of consciously stepping through techniques like this, just think about sending your energy to the far side of your partner’s head. And if you want to practice sending energy like this, practice sending energy through a foot or so of air to a friend — that’s the same skill we’re using.


I usually leave erotic energy in my partner. If she wants, she can ground (or ask me to ground her), but remember that grounding is about resetting one’s energy signature. We both prefer to just let our energies slowly reset on their own, rather than forcing our energy back to normal. So after this session, I just removed my hand from her head and left my energy where it was.

Ten minutes or so later, when she got up, she said she felt odd, similar to being aroused but not quite right. She grounded, but it didn’t work. I offered to help, but she wanted to do it on her own. Two tries later, without success, she let me help. Those pathways I had created were still in her head, still tuned to the signature of (aroused) energy I was using. Pathways are sturdier than energy (that’s the whole point of pathways, to be stable so they can carry energy), so pathways don’t dissipate like energy does. I withdrew and dissolved the pathways, and then she grounded herself successfully. So remember: When you’re projecting energy through your partner, especially with a partner less experienced than you are, be sure to withdraw the pathways afterward. (But leave the energy, so your partner can come down gradually.)

Exploring Erotic Energy

I hope this gives you some ideas for exploring erotic energy yourself. Got an interesting result, or a question? Leave a comment below.

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